3/30/2009

The thin envelope.

I was expecting it, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm extremely saddened by it.

The second my dad handed it to me I knew what it was going to say.

I hate seeing everyone else I know  get in.

Not that I could ever afford it anyway.

It was expected.







I can't let the
depression
kick
in.



God I hate rejection.
















Wells Fargo wants an interview.
Let us not pretend that this job would mean the end of my childhood forever.











Today was a bad day, but i'll have better.

3/29/2009

A sunday night post.

It's sunday night and I'm feeling alright.






So ends the spring break of my senior year.







I spent most of the time working on my downstairs basement, fixing it up, things like that. 

It was real nice to be able to work on something during the day and then go hangout at night.

It felt like I actually did something, unlike how I have felt pretty much this whole school year.






We'll be done with the walls soon, then we can paint and recarpet.
It will be a very nice place to live for the summer :)





Had to go to Menard's for supplies and such.

 It's a nice place to walk around and think of the possibilities.

 Saw this though: 

Their blocks are so awesome it deserved two exclamation points.






I think this week went by to fast, before I know it I will be out of public education and enter government subsidized education. Yipeeeeeee




Dim the lights please.




I wish I could have performed on there one last time.









"And a woman spoke, saying, "Tell us of Pain."

And he said:

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears."





THe first time I read this I nearly cried.







It's sunday night and I'm feeling alright.

What are you doing here?



You're not supposed to be here












'






Nothing to see, move along.

It's never as bad as you'd like to think.

I was thinking last night about how alone I am in life and I got real scared.




Then I started thinking about how alone I am not and I got even more scared because I always feel like I disappoint the ones I love the most.









Then I think about what I need to do, and the work I have to do to make my dreams possible.





And how much I should care for everyone around me, cause they are the foundation.













No more runnin', says my mind
All this movement has just proved your kisses hard to find
It's what I hope for
It's what I hope for
No more runnin'
No more runnin'
No more runnin'
No more runnin'











I don't trust my cell phone anymore.

3/28/2009

AIRATTTAOOM?

Things are less scary in the morning.



I hate being alone late at night.







Can you read this?












I could see the file on myself apperently, I think I will try to get that.

So.

Things are pretty alright, I finally found someone to get me a haircut haha.

3/27/2009

Are you also frightened?

Conflicting teenage hormones.














It's always something












Ah shit.

3/25/2009

I have been inspired.

New artisic ideas are entering my domain, I have an ongoing project going on called blindspot.

Visually, it is simillar to the flims that I have made before it, perhaps too much so.

But, I need to change it up.







Fast cuts and distorted clips, surreal images, and crisp colors.








Lets break away from the path taken, and ride a bike.



dream 1

Had a dream I went to the state theatre with some people, we were there to see Against me!.





There was so much more to that dream, but that is all I can remember, my sister woke me up telling me my brother was bringing chineese food to eat


I think I will write down all my dreams :O

For God so loved the world...


 that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.






...





Pretty language dose not consitute for absoulte truth, too bad.





You have to believe so much to keep the faith, in that sense, I admire those who believe.


Not that they are right really, but at least they have faith.






What the fuck do you have?





















Just a signal























Isn't it time you gave me a sign

???

3/24/2009

Am I really all the things that are outside of me?

The feeling is warm and inviting, intriguing and delighting.


Light night blut rides, not a  sterotype, but a way of life.






Green and scerene you soar through you're life feeling like jelloteen.



Wondering if you'll ever be free



I enjoy being alive.

3/23/2009

Oh clear skys

Today's monring walk was excellent, I could get used to waking up semi early.



Felt the effects for many hours, strange as I thought I was building a tolerance.  Got sucked in by the virtual stock market, this game is annoyinly addictive.



I forgot what a drug blogging is, I used to only do it when I had somethng to say, now I do it so I don't forget anything, it too is addicting.







Got cancelled at work...again, although my phone interview with the bank went real well I thought.



I made the calculations and I'd be making about 800 dollars a month with my new job.


The thought of having 800 dollars makes me very happy, even though it is JUST money, maybe unhealthy to have money effect you so much, but I've basically been perputally broke for 4 months now.








I kinda want a dog.




How come it feels like I am missing something?

Sometimes you just feel so G


Whats up ya'll, just woke up and took some clothes to my brother, about to go back to sleep.



I love waking up and then going back to sleep.



Walk in pioneers in a few hours, today will be a good day,














































all I gotta say is that my stock better fucking rise today.








Fantastic Planet






Watch this ya'll for a nice little mind scrable.





BTW: I shot the sherrif; but just wait till I shoot these bitches down.








Get the fuck out of here, Colorado? Yes please.

 

This is my life for the past month explained in one evening.




woke up, ate, went to menards and looked at paint and wood for downstairs got home and was bored.



Went to Pioneers park with a friend and went in this really cool bush thing.


Found a cool plant, used it :p


Adventutred the rest of the night, tripped out.

Now i'm here writing in a new blog I just created.



...


And, I guess i'm going to prom.