Too much tick tock for my taste, and it def brings out the bi-polar in you.

Final Opinion: questionable if i'll ever experience it again. Too soon to tell, give me a week.

Going bowling with your work is never a good idea.

It's so fun to watch the social aspects of everything that happens with these people.

They almost don't even seem real.

Almost.

I am reminded of their reality almost everyday.

haha, oh god, I need a new job, one that doesn't suck the life out of me.

Well it's sunday, lets get some work done.

Of course the moon would be covered up. The clouds have no patience for the wishes of those of us who can't control anything but our own beings.

Adventures are nice, keep things fresh. Close call but I haven't been caught yet.

Knock on wood.

I guess in the end I feel like I shouldn't let anyone bring me down.

Let anything bring me down.

There is too much to focus on, too much to work towards to get too caught up in anything.

That drive has always kept me sane, but it might just make me die alone.

What a sad thought.

I go to bed because I have loaned my time to the banking industry and I have to go be overworked for eight hours.

Another sign.

This one was waiting for me on the sidewalk.

A piece of paper standing upright in a soaking puddle in a crowded area of campus and I just happen to be the only one who picks it up?

Oh me oh my.

What did it say?

"You are going to travel somewhere far away."

hem hem, that is a funny thought.

Up is down and down is up?

Lets just say this movie sucked.

Just a silence, and I couldn't break it.

I guess it really is just as difficult as you want to make it.

I've been gaining luck back.

Whatever that means.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn_nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Okay, you're about half way there, let's focus and keep you in film school.

Go!

Todays exercise in trust didn't teach me anything except how much I hate losing.

Reading about the success of others my age always motivates me.

Why am I reading about them, shouldn't they reading about me?

Relentless.

Sleepless

Endless.

Apollo or Ares?

I have to listen deep inside me, deep deep inside.

How do people move on from that?

.....

I'll be late for that, baby I'll wait for that
If you had a taste of that, you'd probably pay for that
I'm comin in when I feel like
To turn this muh'fucker up only if it feels right

.....

New situation, these feelings are uncomfortably new.

I really feel like I need to show you that you mean a lot.

On the other hand,

maybe I should just let that space

dictate the fate of this

possible mistake.

No regrets though, of course, never.

I can't help but stay awake and wonder.

The snow drifts slowly down,

so do the thoughts.

Sometimes they collect,

sometimes not.

This one is not about you.

Just wild.

Night time.

I'm just naive.

I set myself up for hurt too easily.

I let insecurities just take over every train of thought.

And now I just come off as a wierdo, someone too sensitive to hold his own.

Some things are fragile.

And perspective is a great thing.

Winter ice thaws, beating hearts stall, time crawls, and I feel it all.

Snowy light, bright, white, and full of the same might that causes me to feel right.

Nature tells you things, hidden meaning in God's blue celling.

What'd Boston sing?

It's more than a feeling.

It leaves me reeling,

reminds me that

I'm more than

a human

being.

Well that wasn't too hard, was it? :3

The birds are coming back.

When do social logistics get the point of overwhelming burden?

They told me freedom meant you were free to go wherever you pleased.

So how is it that I get so sidetracked from anything I want to do?

I guess i'll either find a balance eventually or I'll always be stuck in the middle.

tumbling

rumbling

stumbling

But never landing exactly where I want to be.

///

Why are all these ridiculous things happening ever since I took that plunge?

I feel in a very strange way we are playing games with the fabric of reality.

Fabric of the reality we try to live in anyway.

I feel like we were throwing rocks into an ocean of consciousness and these ripples are part of it.

I think when you start plunging into that type of consciousness you start to appreciate what feeling normal really is.

Normal.

heh.

As if that word really applies to anyone or anything.

>>>

Yeah yeah, it's one thing to be shy and cute.

And it's one thing to be funny and understanding.

And it's another thing entirely to be as nice as you can be!

But you confuse me, and I never quite know what you want, and it stings not being the first choice anyway.

Let's be real for a second:

I pick up on the signals, but you've not SHOWN ME what you want. I have to guess, and at this point guessing just seems so...for people who don't understand each other so well.

Communication is a lovely thing, and call me old fashion but I guess I'd rather just have things in the open when it comes to feelings these powerful than having to seek out the hidden meaning, and deciphering signs that might not even be there.

Man, they say go for it, but that hurt destroyed parts of me that are just now starting to heal.

The vulnerability, the shattered feelings, and that loathed R word.

Thats a bullet I know i'll feel again in my life, but I can't handle it again like that, not with you.

What did you honestly expect for me to do?

By myself?

As someone's third wheel?

I know you tried, but I tried too.

I know you're tired, and i'm tired too.

I hope it's not too selfish of me to want to avoid this type of hurt.

Sure this is all just talk talk talk. And I might be wayyyy off, and I probably am.

But it's how I feel, so it has to be worth something, right?

right.

So,

lets see,

umm,

your turn?

How

do

you

...

feel?

<<<

Simple love.

>>>

I feel that something is going to happen very soon that will shape my life forever.

Which means that my soul is beginning to thaw.

And winter mode is close to being done.

My first winter alone has been so long, and so cold, and so trying.

The spring will truly be a celebration of life for me.

I can't wait to relish in the growing life all around me.

And I hope it too can relish in the life in me.

me me me.

hmm.

Goodnight thoughts, you keep me up, and you cause strife.

But I couldn't survive without you in my life.

Happy Valentines day.

I trip into the depths of the negative energy in my soul. I knew I was too annoyed to have a good trip. It was a black hole till I pulled myself out.

So much work. But at least I am doing it. Kewl.

Sitting at the union remindes me how many cute girls I never meet. And how many are strange "Nebraska" girls anyway.

Oh, I saw another sign today.

What crappy "beginning" to the day.

I say beginning because a 30 min nap hardly separates the days.

Eventually the days melt together, days never end because I keep living them.

Being awake means you're living more life than those who choose to sleep.

Haven't I said this before?

It was beautiful, too much of a coincidence for it to not to mean something.

Today i saw kids.

Little kids.

Vessels of innocence.

Foundations of nations.

The seeds of the future.

And I gotta supervise them every wed?

What a trip to be back in your old elementary school.

Those walls, those smells, the feel, forever seared into the essence of me.

50 % Latino? Really?

We're seeing the future.

I'm glad I can give back, I want these kids to be better than I was.

How many Benitos can I find ;).

The bird perched on its branch,

I gave the sky an upward glance,

The clouds parted, a sunlight trance,

Immobilized, and in my stance,

I heard the bird call, feathered brass.

It spoke to me, I know it did.

Audience of one, the coldness hid,

a fire blazed below my skin

its wild call controlled the wind.

And in its song I heard chords of love.

sweet romances, blessings from above.

"Love will find you, as they say,

Just never stumble too astray"

And with that I called back its way:

"The world is too bright,

To only love the night,

So I will also love the day."

OKAY?!

Watch how well I can turn around and walk away.

Go.

'''

I'm trying hard to learn from my mistakes.

Growing up is taking a toll on me.

Inside looks, mystery books.

A treasure box with hidden thoughts

Happiness sold, not bought.

I try not

I try not to be the person I

I try not to be the person I know I

I know I'm not

They never said it would be easy.

But I could make it easier.

'''

Time.

Can the first law of thermodynamics be applied to thoughts and feelings?

Why not? Electrical brain signals are just forms of energy in the end.

And all that feeling has to go somewhere.

,,,,

There is too much hurt for me to get over.

Snow falls, and so do any false notions of anything ever being there.

'''

Denying myself happiness?

Please.

It takes two to tango as they say and my partner never bothered to show up.

I wouldn't call myself a sensitive person, but a heart can only take so much pain.

Night time is when I feel most alive.

Forget your problems and enjoy the ride.

Joyous indulgence, why not? We're young.

There is something to be said about too much fun.

Forget who you are and we're you're from.

The moon is out, night has just begun.

When you are genuinely surprised in a person for good reasons, it really does a lot to change your opinion on them. Not at first glance, but is this a showing of the talent I seem to sense in you?

Wouldn't it be great to see you flourish as something more than you currently are.

Currently being the key word.

That'd give them something to talk about.

I want to watch another one wake up.

Stoner filmed done.

After each film I always seem to have the same thought: "What the fuck just happened?"

I'm always learning, this practice makes me better.

One day I'll devote the time to make one that actually reaches potential.

I'll never scratch this itch I have for this art form till I do.

Perhaps then I can die happy?

::>

four eyes

I really am too rough on my body, I need to take care of myself better.