Watch me watch me watch me.

Everyone wants attention, only I'm looking for something different.

Something different, boy thats the story of your life.

And most other people.

Most...

¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢¢

ººº

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡

I wonder why I do what I do.

But then I remember one particularly vivid trip with D.

And the feeling of being taken over, completely.

I wanted so bad to tell someone, but no words came out.

It is rare to find those who can relate to leaving this world and jumping into the next.

Seeing infinity.

Letting go of ego.

Knowing True Self.

How many of us try so hard to understand people, but so readily put our way of thinking, our particular pattern of reasoning, and insert it into the individual we are trying to understand?

This happens to much, I do it too much, and it pisses me off.

∫∫∫

I'm getting smarter.

I can read this universe better by the day.

I feel stronger, the sun does that.

I feel bolder, the moon does that.

Angels.

Demons.

They show me the way to go, but I already know.

I already know.

SO.

Watch me.

Watch me.

Watch me.

Soon enough, you won't be able to miss me.

Or best me.

But until then, its just a race to the top.

And now I understand.

∫∫∫

Jazz baby, jazz, lets improvise together:

I want to hear your soul.

Break is over.

Here comes the final act.

Preparation, determination, education.

Taking the stage with confidence.

Commanding attention.

Imposing will.

Gotta get through the final act before you can take that bow.

How money does change everything, much more than you'd ever wish.

One simple raise will let me question wither or not to stay at a job that eats my soul.

See the flash, but know you don't have the courage to go towards the light.

øøø

Or do you?

"Plants

As far as I know are still,

Still bending toward the light

And if we dance

Until the heart explodes

It'll make this place ignite

And even if this hall collapses

I can stand by my pillar of hope it's just

A case of Flash delirium"

÷IS IT REALLY ONE OR THE OTHER÷

ΩΩΩ

dreams

beams

colorful machine

ΩΩΩ

Come on in, let me show you a little of what I'm talking about.

I know you'll be back.

øøøøøøø

#2

CHASIN THE STARDOM WILL TURN YOU INTO A MANIAC
ALL THE WAY IN HOLLYWOOD AND I CAN’T EVEN ACT.

Wise word from an ego manic.

Mr kanye west might be a douche, but recognize a real brother and what he’s tryin to spit.

A real famous brother.


>>>
FAME

SHAME

STARLIGHT BALZE

Manufactured lives,
Slaves, model brides.

Do you want to be famous?

Surre you do, what are you doing here then?


OH it’s for the art? For the feeling?

Bitch, go study music, this here showbiz.



Fame consumes, go ahead set yourself on fire.

You'll watch yourself love it at first, relish in the burn and how you seem to be able to control it.


Oh no, where's that smile going?
Getting a little hot isn't it?
Well, they always said if you can't handle the heat, get the fuck out of the kitchen.
But you're stuck here baby, hello stardom.

Fame likes to balloon, keep blowing that shit up.

(BLOW UP SOME BALLONS, POP THEM, LET THEM GO, LET THEM FLOW AWAY AFTER EACH FAMOUS NAME, ALLOW ONE PERSON TO CONTINUE TO BLOW UP THEIR BALOON UNTILL THE LAST LINE OF THIS SECTION)

You’ll either float away, Hendricks,
Lose it all and disinflate impotently, ice cube.

OR maybe, maybe, you'll just keep blowing up, getting filled up wtih air, with nothingness.

Untill someday you just can't stand it anymore. Kurt Cobain

The drugs ingested.

Money unwisely invested.

A life, badly congested. (POP)

How long could you go before selling your soul to the devil?

I'd give to to the count of six zeros on a bank check.

You're playing with demons now.

Hope it is worth it.

SCENE.

needs some work, i'll revise it soon.

It is those forces, those muses, keep me going and creating.

Keep those forces.

Isn't it nice to talk again?

I'm glad that went nicely.

#1

MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS

The Money is the method.

Makes me puke and smile at the same time.

That means chunks of digested food ooze out of my nose and mouth every time I grin.

Slimy and grimy, like the face of ol George when he turns his blank green stare straight towards your heart.

Money takes you closer to sin, whatever that means.

I know money puts me on my knees.

Innocence dies when that money grows on trees.

People die, live by, and idolize the all mighty dollar.

Plus it makes the girlies holla.

Money Money Money

Have you ever said Money 100 times in a row?

Well I say it's impossible. You're soul is chipped away every time you say it aloud.

And though it heals over time, a soul can only take so many hits in a row before it bleeds to death.

I myself only have gotten to 88 times before I threw myself out of a window three stories off the ground.

Don't worry I was okay, but you know what it took to keep me alive?

Take guess: MOENY!

But i'll keep working, and grinding my feet.

Loaning my time,

dulling my mind.

And losing my beat.

///

OH OH OH, but that cash is so sweet.

Don't you feel powerful wielding those dead presidents?

Hundreds, thousands, dare I say millions, under your command?

It's a war out there, better arm yourself well.

General Grant and Ol Andrew Jackson will serve you well.

As you slash and burn your enemies very very well.

Power, Influence, exuberance

You know what I lied.

You can say money 100 times.

Plenty of people have, you seen them all over the world.

It just depends.

Do you want to keep your soul?

Or have a fat bank roll?

SCENE.

BENITO SANCHEZ RED THEATRE AUDITION

I believe in many things, I’ll share a few today

Now I’ll warn in advance, I’ll be presenting in a rhyming way

I believe in good friends and honorable men.

I believe in big dreams and starlight beams

in original thinking, irregular blinking, and the life in between the seams

I believe in train tracks that go nowhere,

In signs that lead somewhere,

And roads that take you anywhere.

I believe in a thing called love, in blessings from above and cute girls with coffee mugs.

I believe in hope

The human power to emote

And the danger of dope and how alluring it is

I believe I have a claim for fame,

I have no shame to proclaim that I love the glam of showbiz.

I believe in sun shine, all things divine, and girls of the attractive kind.

I believe in the feeling of a woman’s touch,

Call it a crutch,

But I go wild when they give you just enough,

Know when to stop just before it’s too much

Maybe it’s strength I lack because they set that trap and keep me coming back for another crunch.

I believe art has to come from the heart, and that’s just the start, because you can’t have fire without that spark.

I believe words can move mountains, poets become champions, and artists become kings.

I believe in childhood innocence, and time spent jumping off swings.

I believe in the moon flow, basking in it’s own glow.

Cause nighttime is when I speed it up then take it real slow.

A time to be bold, to grow old,

But make sure you know which way the wind blows.

I believe in a little bit of drink, not too much

just enough to make you wink.

Because lord knows I tend to over think.

But I admit, it does make you’re breath kind of stink.

I whana tell her that I love her a lot, but I gotta get a belly full of wine.

Oh the Beatles, they sang it so fine, anyone can relate to that line.

And, theres nothing wrong with that train of thought, but

Too much liquid courage will make your brain rot

And turn your liver into Pourage.

I believe in the hurt of disappointment,

The crush of a feeling so potent

It’s like you get so caught up in the moment.

Lose yourself, no need for ointment,

I’ve learned that No regrets is the best atonement.

I believe in spirituality, because I know there is more to this reality.

It doesn’t have to be gospel singing, or pastors screaming.

It’s more than just a feeling

It leaves me reeling

And reminds me that I am more than just a human being.

I believe in trying something new

And that is why I’m here standing in front of all of you.

Now I know my rhymes are lame, and the content quite meager.

But here I am, I tried my best, and I hope it’s enough to get into Red Theatre.

A week of collecting ideas.

A few hours of writing.

Not bad I'd say, can make much better.

Now it is a matter of trying.

Your call was too alluring to stay away for too long.

Now I'm back in a place where I can be myself and then get off stage and become an actor again.

Phase one complete: I am in red theatre.

Phase two may take a few months.

And by that time there will be a new set of phases

Well that was interesting.

Exhausting, daunting.

But I'll be god damned if i didn't learn a shit ton.

I think I've found a mentor, open minded, no bullshit when needed, but warm and patient.

I will stay close and soak in the knowledge because I feel like he is my ticket out of here as well.

Well they like me, they really like me. I've proven to them that i'm not just a dumb fuck freshman.

Now I have to prove to them that I could be better than them :p.

Even now their brains seem to resist any type of change from what they've learned and egos get in the way.

Once i'm in control of an actual set, I see how different I would run it, and that is worth a lot.

Well it's def. time to rock the boat.

Push the Envelope.

Make some noise.

I'm joining Red Theatre.

And I'm quitting my fucking job.

....as soon as I can figure out the logistics of it all...

Wish me luck because i'm about to take a plunge from where I can not return.

:)

Sunset.
Small town.
Every eye on you, wow.
Don't fuck up, they're judging you now.
Gotta give a little to have it come back around.
No fear, i'm skyward bound.

A blazing sun, shows me I'm blessed.

Take stock in what you have, what is left.

We're not in school, there are no tests.

Clouds come, no time for rest.

The dream was strange.

I was exterminating animals that burrowed themselves into anything.

They were tricky to find, I had help, but looking back I was the only one who could find them.

I was doing fine, but one was just so hard to get, I was about to give up.

But then a dove called,

it dove,

I reached out my hand and it landed.

And then everything was okay.

O:O:O:O:O

Well I'm on the losing side of that one.

It's too bad you can't see the ridiculous amount of support you'd find in me.

But I can respect what you're trying to do.

To make yourself a better person is such a hard thing.

It's commendable, I just wish you could I see I can help.

I mean, you have to sense how ridiculously similar we are....right?

Oh well.

It's okay, you seem to float in and out of my life always, till next time, stay strong. I know you will.

I can feel my soul starting to mature even further.

Mine always went faster than those around me, I could always sense it.

So many flaws, but in the end it's just how I respond to the world.

And no one can touch me for that, nor can I touch anyone for how they respond.

But I will keep living, and try to be the best, and most understanding person I can be.

I remember when I projected myself into every person I met.

Inserted my thought process and tried to make it fit into how they acted.

I remember that quantum leap when I realized that was so flawed.

That was so long ago, and since then it's been a constant struggle to try to understand.

Everyone struggle is their own.

Only thing is, my struggle is going to make something out of me.

Borrowed time because I know that I have to be ready when my time comes.

That is why I have to move on...again.

No idea what you're thinking cause you won't tell me.

I don't judge you, you probably know by now.

But don't you dare judge me, everyone's struggle is their own.

It is spring time so my soul comes alive.

The deep thaw is over.

Time to explore.

Lets do some writing.

I got my inspiration, I just didn't expect it to come from there.

"They're gonna have to take my life 'fore they take my drive
'cause when I was barely living, that's what kept me alive
Just the thought that maybe it could be better than what we at at this time
Make it out of this grind, 'fore I'm out of my mind"

And old soul gets a little older.

Bleh.

I don't even like the feeling anymore.

It seems like the weight of everything I have to do is constantly pressing itself against my skull.

I know I need to deal with all these things mounting up.

But I realize more and more that this...this addiction is something that is not going to help.

it

just makes

it

worse.

addiction addiction addiction

I can't lie to myself.

A mild one, to be sure, thank goodness the withdrawals are so minimal to be close to non existent.

I already tried once and failed miserably.

I don't like not being able to do this.

examine, engage, resist

EUREKA!

I only have a little left, let it be the end for a while.

But it has to be for a special occasion...

So, I will abstain until that moment comes, and after it is gone, no more.

I know I can do this.

For how long is a tricky question, lets try all of march.

Then we will see where it goes from there.

This country is so fucking crazy.

US kids are now doing what is called "Constant eating"

What the fuck is that shit?

But then you realize you're pretty much doing the same thing.

And then, where does that put you?

But i'm not obese....

Thank God I lucked out in the genetics of that...

Go Kanye, Go.

The warming weather is nice to be sure.

But the earth after melted snow is just not one of my favorite things in the world.

I've had a string of negative chance lately, seems logical to believe that things will balance out soon.

Unless that negative chance was just to balance out the Luck...

We'll see I guess.

Until then, just gotta keep my heart strong, head clear, and my hands working and I will be OK.

I forgot how much I love to argue >)

But such a wasteful way to spend brain energy, arguing can be so pointless.

"Can be" being the key words in that sentence.

Anti-immigration, Anti-Government groups on the rise.

Those are in direct opposition to very important parts of my identity.

Civil war part Duex? I think it is more possible than people would like to accept. It is at that point where it would sound stupid to most people. But there are enough fucking gun nuts in this country for some serious shit to go down.

But, were that to ever happen, America, for better or for worse, for all the shit you've done to this world, I still got your back.

I would die before i'd let my children be raised by Glen Beck as their supreme leader.

How long till I can purchase a gun?

For hunting of course...

OH, I can buy a rifle.

...not as fun...

Terrifying, I wonder if i'd ever actually buy one.

The weather is nice, so that means my school work increases 10x

Life's a crazy bitch, why must that attract me so much?

What an odd mood I am in. Must be spring.