Well I finally looked at my grades.

And, well, they aren't totally bad, 2.3 GPA is pretty shitty but I can bounce back from that. Plus it lets me keep my scholarships :)

I am not sure how my siblings did their first semester, but I know that I handled it better thatn my imedeatly older sister, I don't know about anyone else.

I guess in the end it dosen't matter, I always was different from them and the path I am taking is no where near the path they are taking.

I used to ask them for advice all the time, I thought it was my right as a younger brother to get a leg up on what was coming in middle school or high school. They would always make fun of me for it, in good nature of course, but I actually did make me pause and think why I wanted that advice.

Eventually I didn't need advice anymore, I was living my own life. The most difficult thing I've had to do ever is try to live my own life without fear that I'm being selfish, or that I will never achieve what I want. It haunts me everyday; the possibilities I give up to peruse the life I want. And I am not even totally living my own life, I like to think I am, but I am also aware that outside forces still shape the course of my life, for better or for worse.

But, I must not lower the expectations of myself, because that is when you begin to sink.

The pressure.
The pain.
The sacrifice.





///



I welcome it all.
I really want to blow them away this semester.